theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i think my cat just said my name.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
