plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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