Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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