I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
