I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
