sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
