Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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