I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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