he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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