So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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