I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
