I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
