she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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