can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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