The maid of honor just puked.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
