Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
