Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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