Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So here I am, sexting at work.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
