he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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