Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
