actually, I'm a sock model
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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