CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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