I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
