I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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