i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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