I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
