Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
