Where did you get a picture of my penis
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
