My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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