dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
