and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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