couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think your dad took our porno
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
