cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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