My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
