it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
