bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
