no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
