i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
