he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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