Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
