Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
