I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
