He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My balls are so social today.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
