If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
