I will die if light touches me.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
