wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
