Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
