I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
