dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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