Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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