Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
