Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
