chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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